Another Saturday

I had a dream on Saturday morning about not belonging because I was a Westie on the North Shore. When I woke up, I still felt as if I didn't belong. It's tempting to fall into that and feel sorry for myself. It must be possible to have an identity separate from where you live, except that where you live does really influence who you are whether you like it or not. Living on the North Shore now has changed my thinking. I'm not snobby or pretentious but I'm no longer confronted with poverty on a daily basis and the choices people make when they have limited education or means. So I've become comfortable. Instead of feeling struggle all around me, it's ease and luxury that I'm surrounded by. I only notice the change in my thinking when I go out West again and am reminded how the other half live.



Stuart Murdoch - Another Saturday





When I was growing up, I remember riding my bike to the local bush reserve and tearing around the bush trails. It was a lot of fun going down slopes at almost dangerous speeds. I remember being proud when I could ride my bike up to the waterfall without stopping - the hill was so steep and high. I remember the blacksmith and that he wrote my and my brother's name on the top wooden post of his shack. I really wonder if it's still there. I'd bet it would be. I was probably 14 at the time. Nearly 10 years ago. I used to light fires in the bbqs. I used to catch guppies with bread in my hand. I wish sometimes that I still was connected to my past. I feel there are definate stages in my life, mostly from moving house and having to make adjustments to each new environment. In the process, I leave pieces of myself behind. I wish I could take all the best bits with me. The bush of the West; the huge, wide skies; the memories. The pubs and cafes of the Inner West, the easy access to the city, the indie atmosphere. Now I'm here and I wonder what I'd want to keep with me if I had to move again?


I'm just making problems from where there are none. Really, I'm lucky to be where I am and it's good that I don't live in the West anymore. I'll listen to some more Belle and Sebastian, do my laundry and angst over nothing while I get stuff done.

Laters

Cathrine