New Direction?

This is a struggle. I am not who I want to be. I'm worn out by work and so often can't see the light at the end of the week ahead. I feel responsible for more than I feel is my responsibility yet I hate to be resentful. I truly am grateful for my job. I am grateful for all the wonderful things that my centre has, that I know so many others don't. I've worked in their plastic prisons and they destroy the soul. We are so many cuts above the rest.

Yet I'm tired. I think something is wrong in my life... Am I putting my energy into the right things? I didn't sleep properly last night and now I'm paying for it and I fear that I will pay for it into the first couple of days in the week. I don't like that. Can we re-wind and re-do last night? I hated that I missed devotions last night because I was silly and slept late. I'm only getting back to it now.

As soon as I turn back to God and focus on Him though... there is peace. There are still expectations and it's a struggle, but at least there isn't that same darkness that I must peer through. God has revealed himself to us. The end of Psalm 91 made me smile.


14 "Because he loves me," says the LORD, "I will rescue him;
I will protect him, for he acknowledges my name.

15 He will call upon me, and I will answer him;
I will be with him in trouble,
I will deliver him and honor him.

16 With long life will I satisfy him
and show him my salvation."



How precious are God's people to Himself. If I were God, I'd be so frustrated with this world and I would truly love and look after those who loved me. I like the last part of the last line "and show him my salvation". :) It really is something to know the plans of God for salvation and to have it here, already working in the world through Jesus.


Jump forward to II Timothy. This is something that makes me kind of pay attention. So much of this makes me think these last days are soon. I look at my generation and I have to say we're doing well to fulfill all these traits. Particularly, "having a form of godliness but denying its power" and "always learning but never able to acknowledge the truth". Again, I'm stuck. Forced to face again the pathetic nature of humanity and how poorly we measure up. Why can't be lovers of God, loving towards others, humble, grateful, holy, forgiving... etc.? It seems so contrary to our nature now. Selfishness is breed into us from birth... but somehow we need to get past that. We were made in God's image, we still belong to Him, some part of us still reaches out to Him...


But mark this: There will be terrible times in the last days. People will be lovers of themselves, lovers of money, boastful, proud, abusive, disobedient to their parents, ungrateful, unholy, without love, unforgiving, slanderous, without self-control, brutal, not lovers of the good, treacherous, rash, conceited, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God— having a form of godliness but denying its power. Have nothing to do with them.

They are the kind who worm their way into homes and gain control over weak-willed women, who are loaded down with sins and are swayed by all kinds of evil desires, always learning but never able to acknowledge the truth. Just as Jannes and Jambres opposed Moses, so also these men oppose the truth—men of depraved minds, who, as far as the faith is concerned, are rejected. But they will not get very far because, as in the case of those men, their folly will be clear to everyone. (II Timothy 3:1-9)



Anyway. I want to blog in here about things I'm reading. I'm not teaching anyone and I don't claim to be right... I'm just making observations. It's hard to love God in this society. It's not common for people to talk about God like this... but I want to.

I'm off,

Cathrine