Psalm 131 / The Wolves (Act I & II)

I have spent the time on the bus to work reading/praying for so long that it's habit now. Even if things aren't awesome, that habit is a relief. I forget how gentle and good God's word is. I am constantly cut down by my judgemental nature and the people around me. I read this psalm this morning and it's just three verses. I spent some time just considering the first sentence. I'm torn up inside and I'm trying to mend the tears and pride is such a large rip in the fabric of me. I see the love and gentleness in those around me and I am humbled but not brought low enough so as to repent and change. Pride is such a large tear. I want to make real repairs but I fear good intentions won't make good.


Psalm 131

A Song of Ascents. Of David.

1 My heart is not proud, O LORD,
my eyes are not haughty;
I do not concern myself with great matters
or things too wonderful for me.

2 But I have stilled and quieted my soul;
like a weaned child with its mother,
like a weaned child is my soul within me.

3 O Israel, put your hope in the LORD
both now and forevermore.



I've recently learnt that I shouldn't say what I think all the time. Especially when those things are hurtful and unhelpful. Apparently lots of people knew this already but I guess I missed that lesson. I used to think people will just have to deal or cope or get over whatever it is, because hey, it's true. But when people do it to me? I'm less than thrilled. It's less than helpful. I was told to first think of how I'd like it if that were said to me before speaking - a good enough standard, I think. It made me think "Do unto others as you would have done unto you."

I wouldn't need this lesson so much if I was loving those around me as God commands. It's something I know I need to do but fear to start because of how much damage I've already done and must therefore undo. I also fear to start because I know I will make mistakes again in the future and go through the whole process again. If it were just God and I, I know He'd forgive me but people are different. All excuses really, excuses for pride to grow and stubborness to feel justifed. I'm sorry y'all. For being insensitive, for not calling you, for not listening, for not caring, for not wanting to know, for walking away, for blaming you for my mistakes...

I like Bon Iver. I hadn't heard this song by him... I like it. Seeing a camp fire in the video clip makes me want to go camping.



Bon Iver - The Wolves (Act I & II)




Night,

Cathrine